Regret

 May 01, 2026

Friday

Three weeks ago, today I drove away from what I thought was my forever home. I drove away and left the love of my life.  I didn't want to leave. I wanted to fight for us. But he was done. 

He's done.  He doesn't want me anymore.  He chose his path. I have to choose mine.  Without him.

Is he sad? Does he miss me?  Has he already found someone else?  

I am not checking his Facebook. I'm not texting him or calling him.  There is no chance of me ever seeing him again because we live 6 hours away from each other now.  I just can't check his Facebook. I know he will find someone else soon and I just can't bear to know about it. It would hurt too much.  I'm not posting on Facebook either.  We are still Facebook friends.  He hasn't deleted me. I try to stay away from my page because his picture is on there on the friend's section and it just causes me pain to see it. 

I know people will tell me to block him.  I just can't bring myself to do it. How do you block the person you are in love with? How do you erase them from your life? 

His family are my friends on Facebook too.  I can't delete them.  I love his family. 

So, for now, I'm just playing it safe. I'm laying low to protect myself. 

I was the cause of this. This is all my fault. 

I didn't cheat on him. I would never do that.  Loyalty is my best quality.  

What was my crime?  My crime was not trusting him. All the stupid things I did......

What I said to Y............  

I need to lay this all out. I need to find out why I didn't trust him.  Did he contribute to any of this? Is there a reason for my lack of trust?  I did trust him sometimes. But why not all of the time? 

I've got to go through the entire relationship bit by bit.  I have to figure out why this happened. 

I should have tried harder.